Haven't bought a tree for awhile, I had lost the happiness that was once here in my home during the holidays, sadness had piggybacked in with no warning.

My front and back yard decorations used to compete with Disneyland at Christmas. I loved it! Inside was the same with homemade decorations Mom made, a beautiful flocked tree, the scent of cinnamon and apple spice permeating from the kitchen.

This year has now changed my entire thinking, I want to celebrate life, I want to celebrate my Savior's birthday. What changed? It started with the thought of dying from the ongoing fight with ovarian cancer, my heart was crying out why wasn't this nightmare over with yet? Eight months of this for me was enough I felt. After all the stage of OC was a one, well I recently was told the stage is three not one.

No more chemotherapy Yea! That alone almost killed me. it's on to radiation, I realized my conversation and deep feelings were very negative, I was not going to survive, " Prepare the Trust," get the will ready, make sure my kids knew my plans for the memorial service. It was getting very dark here in my world.

Much too dark for me, I'm normally a very up happy person, why would I let this destroy me? Satan loves to attack us in that manner, keep us down convince us there's no hope. "Wrong"

Our hope is in Jesus, He is the reason for the Season. Now my attitude has changed, I temporarily forgot, being so caught up with the latest reports.

The front yard is now lit up with trees, Angels, gifts and of course reindeer. The snow flocked tree is standing watch over my living room, decorations are being taken out of their dusting boxes.

I want to live again being thankful for what the Lord has given me, Christmas is such a special time. Family together again, lots of noise in the house, way too many dishes in the sink. How I love it!

Merry Christmas in Jesus